Day 4 in lockdown, South Africa.
Denial is unhelpful. It is like putting a lid on a boiling pot and forgetting about it…the pot burns to black inside and its very difficult to clean.
I want to share transparently that I personally am not feeling great today…However I am being with it…compassionately. I am allowing it space, and acknowledging that I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. Like all of you.
We have been taught from since we can remember to “keep busy”… so here in lockdown you are trying to do the same thing because it is what you know. Truth, it is not easy to keep busy and distracted. We are used to filling or days with WORK and now for most, most of if not all of the work is CLOSED! You sit with yourself for hours and hours, and in this time it is an opportunity to observe yourself “sitting with self” observe your thoughts, practice being objective with those thoughts.
I feel so much better already just sharing this truth… allowing it to be what it is.
Just last night after day 3 in lockdown, I recognised a suppressed anger boiling up in me. I crushed a cardboard box with my foot, screamed out in anger and frustration. I was very conscious with the anger, and chose to act on it in my own private space. In my opinion is was more healthy for me to do that than deny my anger.
Let us talk about the anger. Anger has a place, and a very creative place if acknowledged for what it is when it is. Anger can make you explode, lash out, and raise your temperature, heart rate and stress levels…IF ignored or suppressed. I feel it is healthy to let it out, in a constructive way, in your own space, crush a cardboard box…punch your pillow, scream into your pillow, do some mirror work where you talk to your self, look yourself in the eye and express what you feel. You see no one else needs to take on your anger, your anger is yours, and it needs to be processed by you. Write down your are angry, put words to it, and keep writing until you have vented it through into peace and surrender. This time NOW in isolation, is an incredible opportunity to become friends with your dark and potentially destructive emotions. Turn them into creative forces.
Let us talk about Sadness, this is so heavy on my heart this morning. I am sad, I am deeply sad…here on my own, in my own space, beautiful space I must add, and I am grateful for this space I have created. Sad for those that do not have a space now…even if the space they used to have was the street…that is also gone, they are not allowed to be there. Then in the sadness, I dig down into the information I have an I am grateful that our Government allocated safe areas for the homeless and street people. I am still sad though, they will be sharing small spaces with many people, and they will be more vulnerable to this virus..I pray for them and I keep them in my prayers always. This is how I acknowledge and process my sadness. I will be present with this sadness, give it the respect, and this sadness will remind me to keep those less fortunate in my prayers.
Let us talk about grief, this is deep, this is hard, this is raw…Grief is something that we often do not even identify in ourselves when it is there. This is not the first time that it would have shown up…for many, when a loved one passes away, there is grief, the process of this grief is Denial, Anger, Hurt, Sadness, Acceptance. So I was definitely in denial a week ago, it has been processed, yesterday I was angry, today I feel the sadness, (seem to have skipped the hurt) Will I get to the acceptance? Not sure. Let us continue with Grief…We have lost our futures as we “thought we knew them”, we have no clue what life will be like when we exit this process of lockdown, we have no future right now, we are in one place confined and with our selves, moment by moment getting acquainted with ourselves. Some are with family, spouse, children, friends, and a lot of people are on their own, with themselves. We have lost our routine, our work, our companionship, connection, in the physical. Human’s need all these things to thrive… including touch. Acknowledge the reality, the truth and allow yourself the grieving process, hold yourself gently, allow yourself the tears, let yourself know that you will be there for yourself through this into the “new world” when we step out from lock down.
All this is available to us in the virtual, turn on your internet, dial your family and friends on FaceTime or Skype, write and share with the world through a blog, play games on HOUSEPARTY app and laugh with your children who may not be there with you. Read a book, register on @UDEMY and learn something that you are interested in, they often have really amazing sales and you can purchase a course for as little as R180 sometimes, register and they will let you know when the sales are on. Create a vision board, paint an abstract piece of art for your home, bake a cake, cook a wonderful NEW meal, do home exercise, I have just signed up on an app called MYPT Hub, check it out on google play or AppStore. My son @fiitlab on instagram…he is a key trainer on the app and he is super keen to help people feel better through this and beyond. The world is small and accessible via virtual. Give this a go peeps…Your health and wellness is worth it.
Till Next Time